When you're in any relationship there's a lot going on under the surface. There's pushing, pulling, compromising and making do, or saying things you don't really mean just to smooth things over or to keep the peace. Or saying things you do mean at the time because your emotions are swelling and you feel drunkenly full of them. Or maybe the other person's issues or words or proddings have managed to poke you in your own particularly vulnerable areas, and fear of change -- explicitly threatened or implicitly perceived -- drives you to attempt to maintain the status quo.
It sure is exhausting. It really is. It leaves you wondering who the hell you are sometimes. But if you subscribe to the belief that humans rarely do things they don't gain some sort of benefit from -- however twisted it may seem from the outside -- then you must be prepared to admit that all this sturm und drang must be beneficial. It must! Unless you're gaining some sort of cost benefit from doing it, surely the energy you waste and the pieces of your life you give away are not worth it otherwise?
So the next time you reach for your smooth it over paste, take a good look at the person across from you. Then ask yourself.....is it worth it? What needs am I trying to put band-aids on? What am I really getting from all this?
Other than older?
((Song: "Careless Memories" by Duran Duran. Lyrics here:
http://www.geocities.com/ladyxanax13/Lyrics/CarelessMemories.html ))
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