Is Keeping Me Waiting....

“Well,” said Pooh, “what I like best,” and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn’t know what it was called. ~ A.A. Milne

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Pooh might not have had the word for what he felt but he knew how primally pleasurable it was to feel it. And it is so verrrrry delicious, isn't it?

According to Robert Plutchik's psychoevolutionary theory of emotion, this feeling -- commonly known as anticipation -- is one of the eight primary emotions (the others being anger, fear, sadness, joy, disgust, trust and surprise.) You'd think love and hate would've make it to the top eight but if you take a moment to reflect upon it it makes sense. Neither one of those could ever be called a simple or biologically survivalistic sort of emotion, now would it?

Is anticipation a survivalist emotion? Hm, perhaps.....perhaps not. But it is most definitely a simple one. See object of desire, desire it, take possession of it, relish the moments that hover between the have and the have not.

I adore those moments. Anticipation skating across my nerves, basking in the combined delicacy of agony and ecstasy. In the seascape of my emotional hitches and swirls there is always this one truth -- there, floating in those moments, is where I feel most alive. Perched on the edge of that space where I know that I don't know and I can't wait to find out. The control freak that I am devours those moments when control has abandoned me briefly but will soon return with a crash. Even when it's ghastly or agonizing, it's beautiful.

I'm not a risk-taker...well, at least not when my life is at stake. I've been known to risk my emotions though. There's no going back if I lose my life. No do-over's. In contrast, not risking yourself emotionally is like dying by degrees. It's merely existing. You won't die if your heart gets bruised even if it feels like you might. We're here to learn, my friends, not hide, and time is of the essence. I know my emotional landscape is a resilient creature, by design created to learn just as much (and often, more) by getting hurt as well as by keeping safe. The high of risking and experiencing a psychic return for my risk gives me a thrill unlike few things I've experienced. It's addicting. In other words, while I'm no adrenaline junkie I'm definitely a dopamine junkie.

Those anticipatory moments feel like taking a hit. Yeah, you might come down and crash hard, but wow.....what a rush!

((Song: "Anticipation" by Carly Simon. Lyrics here:
http://www.carlysimon.com/music/Lyrics/Anticipation.html ))