I noticed that exh's family have welcomed Yo into their fold and make her feel like one of them. she looked comfortable amongst them as well. If the shoe was on the other foot and I was the second wife of some other family I'd want to feel like I belonged, or alternatively, I would want my family to be able to actively embrace another man that I loved and brought into the familial circle. Many families can't or won't do that, and it's a testament to exh's family strength that they can with such warmth.
I felt very much like I did those last few years when I would go to the house though...like an outsider, looking in. I think much of those feelings were internally generated, because everyone seemed genuinely welcoming and glad to see me. I would stand apart from everyone and watch rather than be in the midst of everything. It wasn't my place. Though I admit to imagining scenarios where I'd be the one everyone gravitated toward -- I think I even posted here that I thought I'd fit in better than Yo -- that didn't actually come to pass. Maybe it was of my own doing. I just didn't feel like I belonged there any longer. And I don't, not really. Just peripherally. Part of that feeling of distance is due to the time that's passed, but the other part came about when I saw exactly how much the family had embraced Yo. Even though that should be the way it is, and much of me is glad of that, I guess seeing it made me feel a bit marginalized. It's funny. I was wandering the empty house when everyone else was outside and saying to myself, "I want to go home, I don't want to be here," at the same time being a bit hurt that they replaced me. Why should I feel that, since it was my choice to vacate?
I did get the chance to sit for a bit and talk with my ex-sister-in-law, whom I'll call Carrie since she looks so much like SJP from Sex In The City. Her situation with exh's brother is much the same as it was two years ago and I don't doubt it will continue to be that way. I know she's aware that her marriage has been dying for a long time and the last couple of years have been the active throes. She says she knows her choices and that of them, for the moment, her choice is to stay where she is. I can't say anything about that choice because I did the same for a long time and understand it. She may choose differently once her youngest is grown. She told me that she will always consider me her sister-in-law and she said she'd like to make plans this summer to come up and have a girl's day out. I'll be there. Of all my ex-in-law's, Carrie is the one I care for the most.
In the strange department, Exh's youngest sister asked for my cell phone number and gave me hers. She said we should get together. Hm. I'll not hold my breath. She's a good person but she's a mom of three and she and I never did bond like Carrie and I did. Some of it was because of the ten years between us in age. Some, because during her youth she was a wild child and lived with us for a bit and abused our good nature. She's matured of course, but I'm afraid I have an elephant's memory and I nurse hurts for a long time. I like her, and respect her maturing, and see she's a different person, but our personalities just don't mesh like mine with Carrie does.
It was an interesting day. Don't know when I'll do it again.
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