These Are The Contents Of My Head

Spoke to BiB tonight after a rather long hiatus.

I'm not sure yet how I feel about it. I'm wandering the apartment with some port in hand, wondering what to do to keep myself occupied. V is out of town this weekend going to visit some chick in a city a few hours from here. I've definitely been looking forward to having the place to myself and I'm enjoying it, don't get me wrong. I plan to do a certification program online this weekend, and enjoy the time to sleep in, and get some genealogy done. Oh, I have plenty to do.

But BiB leaves me with a bit of unease tonight. I've spoken to him before -- a couple of times now since I've lived here -- but this is the first time in almost a year that I'm really feeling that old sense of melancholy. The conversation was longer than normal and friendlier than normal and we were both much more at ease.

I shouldn't be surprised. It's been almost two years. Enough time has passed that we should be easily talking and laughing. So if that is so, why is this so difficult? It shouldn't be.

The conversation took a shift when he mentioned that there was a conference here that he wasn't going to this year but that he could possibly make it to next year. He works for a law firm in their IT department (he hasn't told me which one, I haven't asked) and they are possibly sending him to FL for some training in the next few months. Of course when he mentioned all this, our conversation dwelled a bit on the details of each others emails (he still has mine in his old account, he checked and let me know he had it) and the giving out of new email addresses. We spoke a little about getting together for lunch if he happens to be here next year; I mentioned it and he agreed and seemed amenable to the idea.

I'm not really sure how I feel about the whole thing. Right now, at this moment, I miss him again as I remember all the things we said and did and were. There were points tonight where we clicked again, laughing and joking like the friends we used to be. I know it wasn't the same, but it did feel nice.

So here I am tonight, melancholy and pensive, thinking back over the past again. And yes. I miss him.

((Song: "Why?" by Annie Lennox. Lyrics here:
http://artists.letssingit.com/annie-lennox-why-936tvlt ))