I'm Still Alive

I've been performing a little experiment this weekend. I've gone wheat- and gluten-free.

I think I mentioned before how bloated I've been feeling? Well, I've lost about 5 lbs from what I weighed at the doctor's less than a week ago. I don't feel bloated and my energy levels are pretty high. I'm not sure if the change in diet has anything to do with it yet, but it's sure not hurting me.

I'm going to tell my doc to look for signs of celiac when he's doing the colonoscopy. Celiac can lay dormant for years and get triggered during long stressful periods or during bouts of serious illnesses like pneumonia. I don't know whether some of my bowel disturbances are due to anything like celiac, but even if I'm not celiac, perhaps I have an intolerance to it. I have felt better since leaving it alone. If that means adapting to an entirely new way of eating, especially giving up my adorable, lovely breads (*whimper*) then so be it. If it means I live and feel better, than it'll be worth it. I have a choice here. I can look at it from the avenue of what I lose or I can look at it from what I gain. What I gain is the ability to go outside my comfort zone; once again I can experience new foods and learn to widen my range of eatables. That sounds like fun.

Like quinoa! I tried it this weekend and I've really fallen for its unique texture and nutty taste. It takes some effort to make it because it has a soapy substance called saponin on it that you have to soak off (30 mins does the trick) and then rinse a couple times before putting it on to cook. But soooo worth it. A hard boiled egg and a bowl of quinoa in the morning with some soy milk and a sprinkle of muscovado sugar on top tastes like heaven.

I've done some reading this weekend, too. Wheat lies in so many insiduous places like in Splenda (maltodextrin) in soft drinks (caramel flavoring) and even in plain old cheddar cheese (annato, used for color.) Sheesh.

Anyway, I won't know for sure until I get all the tests done so there's no use fretting about it any longer. I'll just keep eating without wheat and see what I feel like over the next couple weeks. If I feel better -- especially if I don't feel bloated! -- then I'll make the change.

As we were speaking of the possibility of celiac this morning, BK told me that I needed to move out of my place and into my own apartment. She said something that gave me pause. She said, "After all, you're a new person so you need a new place. Look at what you're doing. Eating differently, exercising? You're remaking yourself."

Hm. Maybe I am.

I'll be spending Easter Sunday at the ex-mother in law's house. Exh invited me and the kiddo to go along and watch the little ones do their eggs. I haven't yet accepted an invite so I decided to take this one. I haven't seen exh's youngest niece yet -- she's about 8 months old or so -- and I can catch up with all of my ex-in-laws. I like them, they're good people.

I wonder how Yo will take this -- when I fit in so effortlessly and she's still trying? Two weeks ago I received notice of my cousin's death in the mail addressed to my old place, so it came to exh's house. He handed it to me; I read it and immediately become visibly upset. Exh didn't give me a hug or comfort me though Yo offered some words of condolence. A day later exh calls me and apologizes for not showing me comfort. He said, "You know, until she gets secure in the relationship between her and me," and I said, "Yes, I knew exactly why you didn't."

And I did. I understand it....but it amuses me.

((Song: "Alive" by Pearl Jam. Lyrics here:
http://lyrics.astraweb.com/display/970/pearl_jam..ten..alive.html ))