Friday, January 4, 2008

Look Who’s Alone Now, It's Not Me, It's Not Me

I've been upgraded to pneumonia and have been housebound and miserable for most of the week. Never been sicker in my life, really. Got a shot today and it's helped me bounce back a bit. I'm going stir crazy, I miss my kiddo, and even stranger than that, I miss my office! Someone shoot me, I'm obviously delusional.

It's given me a chance to touch base with the different men in my life. A remarkable number of them, really, so it's been a good week. But no, none of them are currently in the "relationship" category. Furthermore, I don't anticipate any of them being in the Relationship Future category though I can't say the same for Relationship Past. What can I say? I tend to stay friends with men I once cared for.

Talked to X a couple of times in the past few days. He's been keeping up with me and asking me how I feel. He mentioned our weekend in Vegas and had this to say about it -- and yes, I'm leaving some of his words out and only including the last couple sentences! Anyway, he said, "You know what I think that was? I think it was the perfect first date."

I just laughed. If it was, he's in trouble. How could he possibly top that?

I spoke to my friend CK on New Year's Day. He and his wife are about to have a little boy, due around kiddo's birthday. He and I dated when we were in our early 20s, matter of fact I was dating him when I met exh and dumped him for exh. No hard feelings ever existed between us though. We were always just meant to be friends though we certainly had our flirtations and escapades. He's living in a faraway state and he never keeps in touch as much as I'd like him to and I don't do it either, but when we talk the years fall away. I intend to keep better track of him this year.

Spoke briefly to Grey this evening. He was on his way home. He and the wife just bought a newer car since the old one was on its last legs so he took on newer payments. He's still stressed, I can tell. I could hear it in his voice and mentioned it to him, and he said yes, he was a bit down. He'd come off of vacation and was just in the throes of not wanting to start back to work at the same old job. I am glad I can be there for him to bounce his stress off of.

Spoke to HG a few times over the course of the week. He's still the same old HG; sexy and witty and more curious than George. I get the feeling sometimes that he wants to say more than he does on a few things, one subject in particular, but he is such an honorable fellow that when he makes promises, he keeps them. I don't push him to break his promises though I'd like nothing better. Hm, perhaps I should clarify. Not to see him break the promises, I mean, but to be able to share and analyze his thoughts and feelings on some topics that mean a lot to him as they develop. I feel I've helped him so far -- with HIS feelings and nothing else -- and it chafes that I have been locked out of doing so even though I know and understand and respect the reasons why. I'll continue to respect his wishes because I have the utmost respect for him, but I don't always have to enjoy it.

And lastly, BiB. He and I finally spoke tonight. It was a pleasant conversation. We caught up on current events and I learned about the new things in his life and how they were going. He did me the same courtesy -- something he did not do the time previously. He didn't seem drifty and he didn't devolve into one-word responses. And he seemed quite concerned about my health and rather warmly wished me a good evening. I came away from the conversation feeling all right about it. Maybe we're getting somewhere. Time heals all things, right? After all, it is the great Indifference Machine.

Bedtime for this man-overloaded lady. :)


((Song: "Wisemen" by James Blunt. Lyrics here:
http://www.james-blunt.net/lyrics/wisemen/ ))

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