When I say the word “forbidden,” what does it conjure up in your head?
If you’re like most people – well, if you’re like me, anyway – the first thing you start thinking about is all sorts of naughty things. Specifically things you can’t or wouldn’t do. Deviant behaviors. Kinky sex.
Maybe then you think about laws you can’t break, things you think but can’t say (like what the hell is your friend thinking wearing those jeans or that your boss is an asshole) and places you can’t go.
Whatever you think about, the word’s underlying implication is wrong or bad. Forbidden means no.
Why, then, do people risk what they risk for a taste of what is forbidden? Why do they risk heaven and hell, or even everything they have and love, for it? What is it about the human condition that urges us to want that which we cannot have? Why is it, that once we are told something is off-limits, we want it all the more?
It could be argued that this desire is part of the idea of manifest destiny. A desire to strive towards that which we do not have and conquer it. Without the desire to explore what was deemed unattainable we would have been content to crouch in our caves and let life pass us by. No, this desire is part of our path, our natural evolution. Without it we might have become another closed chapter in the evolutionary novel.
I think it’s more about the urge to be self-contained, apart from everyone and everything else. It is such a primal urge, every bit as strong as the need to bond. We need to feel bonded to others, yes, but we also need to bond to ourselves. It’s a matter of trust, really. Self-trust.
Stifling this urge is encouraged in our society, though. It’s not really talked about much; in fact it’s quite the opposite. The psychobabble circus clowns and worried parents talk a blue streak about making sure we all have good self-esteem and the chance to express who we really are. We all pay lip service to self-expression – and don’t tell me you don’t, because you do! -- but when it comes down to that moment where you find yourself doing something that you know society “forbids,” somewhere deep down in your soul you feel angry or guilty or even ashamed. You aren’t really angry at society so much as you’re angry at yourself for allowing it to insinuate itself and its values that deeply into your psyche. That anger causes a lot of people to act out. Do more, faster! Wilder! Crazier! Just for spite. Just because everyone says they aren’t supposed to.
When something is forbidden, it seems that much more attractive -- even if it isn’t. How many times in your life have you attained something you thought was unattainable, or done something you hardly believed yourself capable of? How many times have you indulged in behaviors that you desperately desired, only to find their taste over time was not as sweet? And then, how many other times did you do something because you wanted to want to, not because you really did?
It’s interesting, isn’t it? Maybe a big part of one of the great lessons in life – that of attaining wisdom -- is learning to distinguish the difference between pursuing the forbidden because it titillates, and pursuing it because it is an honest desire devoid of predjudices. Choosing to understand and more importantly accept the why statements behind your behavior. And doing nothing that contradicts those why’s. Contradict your true feelings and beliefs – even if at heart you are a totally pedestrian joe and you really wished to be some wild deviant child that snubs his nose at convention -- and you will not be able to live at peace. It is as simple as that.
The forbidden, then, is less of an opposite reaction and more of an exploratory one. To some it represents excitement and release, to others fear and anarchy.
Guess which one I fall under?
(Song: "A Matter of Trust" by Billy Joel. Lyrics here:
http://www.billyjoel.com/discography/AMatterOfTrust.html ))
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