Eh, life's been throwing me a few curve balls lately.
I've been dealing with a number of strange "symptoms" over the last month, some of which are almost assuredly physical and some that might have their origins in anxiety. I've experienced a number of warm flushed feelings, following by shortness of breath and numbness and tingling in my hands and arms.
The symptoms I've just described, I've decided, are probably 90% anxiety. I went to the ER last month when I experienced them for the first time and they ran a CT scan and an EKG and did blood tests. Then they sent me for a stress test. The tests all came back normal....at least I thought they had. More about that in a moment.
For the last couple weeks, my right shoulder's been painful. I've experienced numbness from the shoulder to my fingertips on that hand. You know that place in between the time that your limb goes numb and the time it wakes up and gets tingly and painful? Where it burns with that heated feeling and you know it's about to hurt? That's how it's felt for the most part. It gets tingly too, but mostly just burns.
And lastly, on two separate occasions, I've had difficulty getting the thoughts I think to come out of my mouth in the normal amount of time it takes for me to speak. In other words, things seem to slow down and I have to think extra hard and concentrate a bit more in order for my mouth to form the sounds. This has scared me both times because -- to be frank -- it reminds me sharply of my grandmother's TIAs. TIAs are tiny strokes.
So, I went to a doctor that was recommended to me. He asked that I gather all my medical records and send them to him -- a first for any PCP I've seen. I liked him! He was thorough and spoke to me of where I felt I was mentally as well as physically. Another first. Then he looked at my medical records from the ER visit and let me know that my thyroid and liver functions were a bit abnormal.
Really now? I wonder why they didn't mention that when I was there? Damned people. I am sure that my thyroid is causing a bit of this stuff but how much I won't be sure.
My doc let me know he was most concerned about my speech and my shoulder. He scheduled some lab work for me (thyroid, cholesterol, liver) and then he's going to set me up for an MRI to rule out any brain issues that might be causing the speech thing. We'll also do an EMG (electromyography) on the shoulder to see if I might have a pinched nerve. Those 2-3 weeks of neck pain a couple months ago or so might have been another sign of this, who knows.
Anyway.....
There is the anxiety issue. I've managed to calm myself through one of these episodes of flushing and stuff, so I suspect anxiety is at the root of some of it. I'm ashamed to admit it, but my paranoia about medical procedures due to my coding on the table during my hysterectomy and my fear of dying just compound and make me anxious to the point of silliness.
I refuse to take any anti-anxiety meds unless I can't get a handle on it myself, so I'm going to take this step by step and first look into yoga to try to ease my anxiety and learn to self-soothe. I've been under a lot of stress lately -- more than I think -- and I've always prided myself on being generally mellow. Hell, I've always thought I was extremely so! But it appears I might be more like my high strung mother than I thought.
I'm too young for this shit. I've got a good life. I have a great kiddo and a budding fantastic relationship. I have schooling that's almost over and a chance to start a new career and have a new place of my own.
Jesus, no wonder I'm stressing.
Bedtime now. More later.
((Song: "Within You Without You" by the Beatles. Lyrics here:
http://www.stevesbeatles.com/songs/within_you_without_you.asp ))
2 comments:
I remember undergoing similar speech symptoms when I started a new job with new skill demands in the mid-90s.
I was running group in a shelter and at various times I would open my mouth and stumble for my words. They were on the tip of my tongue but wouldn't come. It was very embarassing as it happened not just in group but in other leadership-type situations as well.
I now think that I was reorienting myself, both in a new management and a new leadership role, and it took my head a while to catch up to my role, if that makes any sense. The symptoms went away as I got more experience. But I can understand your concern with these symptoms, and getting tests sounds like a good idea.
Thanks, D. It's nice to know that someone else has experienced such symptoms. Both times this has happened to me it's been in relaxed situations, once when I was driving out of town with my daughter and we were just lauging and enjoying time together. I just want to make sure it's not something physical. If not, then I'll work on my mental health as well.
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