So I got a call from exh last night. He asked me if I could possibly wait until Sunday to bring the pork over to his place. I began to silently chuckle as I asked why.
"Don't even go there. I don't want to go over this again," he said in a half-exasperated, half-resigned tone of voice.
My chuckling grew audible. "So this has something to do with Yo?" I asked, playing my best Captain Obvious role.
"Yesssssss." Drawn out in a long, definitely exasperated sigh.
"And she wants me to bring it on Sunday because....?"
"Because she's going to be there on Sunday. She'll be gone on Saturday."
I let out a bark of laughter. No way was he getting out of being the brunt of my amusement! "And what does she think, that if you and I are alone for more than 5 minutes we'll jump into bed together? Because if you've told her anything about our divorce at all -- and I'm sure you have -- she'll realize the lack of that was easily the largest of our problems."
He chuckled. " Nooooo, it's territory issues. She's.....oh, I don't know. She's just insecure."
We'd switched roles; he was now Captain Obvious. But if he thought that she didn't wonder about the possibility of he and I ever sleeping together again, he was an idiot. She might not think we actually would, but she was convinced that he'd at least think about it with me. It was imagining his desire or -- at the very least, that he could miss me -- that drove her crazy. She feels a sense of control when she's there to mitigate our interactions. Kiddo said a few weeks back that she's been a lot angrier than usual lately, and I'd been noticing it when I had occasion to be there with kiddo. I suspect that her mood -- for lack of a better term -- has its origins in the insecurity battles she is experiencing with exh.
He and spoke of things like having to relive his 20's through her, and having to deal with all her issues, and having to remember that although we've been in her shoes, she's never been in ours. It's been 4 months since their marriage and she's quickly coming out of the "wow we're MARRIED!" stage and into the territorial wobbliness of a strange three-pronged situation. I let him know that there are three people in his marriage and try as I might to extricate myself, I'm still one of them. She keeps dragging me in.
He sounded tired, bless his heart. I felt sorry for him. I gave him the advice I mentioned in an earlier post about taking her feelings seriously lest he repeat the mistakes he made with me, and earned an "I'm getting relationship advice from my ex-wife now?" remark in the process. Hee! But a part of me is enjoying this.
After all....you don't marry Rebound Girl! You just fuck her. You don't marry her! I'm sure there's a reap what you sow thing in there somewhere. Good luck to him. He'll need it. If she's doing this already, he's in for a world of shit.
((Song: "Getting Better" by the Beatles. Lyrics here:
http://www.beansoftware.com/thebeatleslyrics/Default.aspx?a=lyrics&id=177 ))
1 comment:
I remember when I was 29 years old and my soon to be husband told me to "buck up" because that was just how it was. I never forgave him.
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