Here's My Gift To You, Accept It

The dinner was not at all like my imagination pictured it. It felt like.......hm. I know this will sound silly, but it was like putting chocolate icing on a cake. It was like adding that final touch of sweetness to a perfectly baked confection. Making it whole.

We sat in the restaurant and talked for over an hour. He told me again about the value he placed on my friendship and my willingness to stay with it for years after we both knew that it wasn't the same. He said he felt at peace now, knowing that he was able to let go of all the resentment that he'd felt obligated to hold onto for his pride's sake. He said he knew that his pride was standing in the way of resolution and risking the loss of all that he still had. He said he might marry again but that any woman he met would have to be able to deal with me in his life as the sort of close friend that only a lifetime can earn.

He thanked me for laying all our issues aside when he was injured in a motorcycle accident last year and being there for him, and that doing so was one of the things that showed him what sort of woman I was. We spoke about the choices we are making now -- he said that my choice to risk my relationship with my daughter and putting myself into my now-precarious financial situation showed him how important doing the right thing was to me; that I was not just talking the talk but walking the walk. He said he had such admiration for me because of that.

He told me we were doing the right thing. That he was okay. And I could see the truth of all of that in his eyes. He did give me some peace. He even laughed and said, "Who knows? When we're in our 60s and all dried up, maybe we'll marry again."

I told him he was the love of my life. Though I've had others, some stronger and more passionate, those are baby-loves......adolescent ones, not allowed to blossom into full maturity. My love for him was the only one that became an adult. I don't regret a thing.

We both had tears in our eyes at points. He held my hand on occasion. We stood when it was time to go and hugged and kissed cheeks. We left it like we went into it -- with love.

My stbx is such an incredible man. I was so lucky to call him husband. I am equally lucky to still call him friend.


((Song: "Gift" by Rocco Deluca and the Burden. Lyrics here:
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/roccodelucatheburden/gift.html ))