I had an interesting weekend.
I went to visit a man I've known for about fifteen years now, off and on. Through the years we'd get in touch periodically but the last time we actually saw each other was about ten years ago. He and I have been back in touch for a couple of months and have been speaking on the phone every once in a while, catching up with our lives in the interim. We kept talking about getting together for lunch but our schedules never seemed to sync.
He left me a message on Friday and I called him back later that evening. Finally he asked me what I was doing on Saturday, saying that his next three or four weekends were booked. I told him I was free so we agreed to get together.
As I hung up I knew he had more than lunch on his mind.
Long story short, I was right.
The interesting part is that I'm in uncharted waters. I've always had this separation in my mind -- being friends was casual and relaxing and they were people you could be close to and hung out with. Dating, however.....now that was serious. I've always been the type that never wasted my time unless it was going to "go somewhere."
This won't, though. I don't want it to. He doesn't want it to. There are a hundred reasons why that's so and there's no need for me to explain further. The proof will ultimately be in the pudding. That being said, it's more than a little offputting to know that going in. I feel like I'm suddenly at odds with my fundamental self. There's a heavy whiff of that "so then why even bother?' feeling skating through me.
I know, I know. So okay, here's the thing. I'm trying to color outside the lines for once.
((Song: "Sometimes" by James. Lyrics here:
http://www.asklyrics.com/display/James/Sometimes_Lyrics/152106.htm ))
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